Never judge a book by its cover

A saying that has been taught to everyone since pretty much the day that they learned what "judging" meant. Every body has their faults, their demons to deal with, and their struggles to face. It's not always easily seen on the outside because every person handles their troubles differently, and sometimes they choose to hide them away and hope that they disappear, while others face them and reach out to people to try and seek help on how to make these issues go away.

Today I learned a lot about that and a lot about people that I thought genuinely had nothing to hide. I am guilty of "judging a book by its cover" because I thought that just because a person didn't react the same way to things that I reacted to, that they didn't understand, that they didn't know what it was that I was going through. A big part of going abroad, and going to college in general is growing up and figuring out what kind of person you are/want to become. It's not always right there in front of your face, or going to magically appear like in the cartoons when a lightbulb appears above someone's head. No, it's going to be hard, and it's going to come with experience.

Now i'm not saying that I know who I am, or who I want to be, or what my specific purpose in life is. But what I am sure of is that I want to find out all of those answers. I want to be the kind of person that is open to any opportunity that is thrown at me, has all different types of friends, and is so sure of herself that nothing anyone says to her can bring her down.

Of course, I've had my struggles in the past, and have scars from them that will forever remind me of my mistakes, misjudgments, and lost opportunities that I will never be able to get back. I could drone on and on about what has happened in my life over the past 20 years or so, but what good is that going to do? People do not have to know everything about a person in order to get to know them. The past is the past, and although it does shape a person into who they are today, that doesn't mean that they are going to stay that same person for the next 20 years, or for even the next month. Time changes everything and people need to realize that everyone has reasons behind their actions, and everyone has reasons as to why they are who they are.

This is a bit of a deeper blog that I chose to write about tonight. Mainly because some of my flatmates and I had a heart to heart about life here, and things that have happened within the course of the past few months. As I said before, being abroad changes people, living with your friends changes your perspective on them. Nobody is perfect, and it absolutely drives me insane when people try to be.


Looking back now at the people that I thought were my really good friends a year ago from now, that knew I was going abroad this semester and that I imagined I would stay close with forever, I rarely talk to now. It's almost as if we were never that close, and it's funny because I will get a random wall post from them on Facebook or get a text from one of them on the international viber and it just says "I miss you, we need to talk more often!" but nothing will ever come of it. It's the friends that I talk to more regularly, that ask me about my time abroad, that care to reach out and say hey i'm just thinking about you that I know are my true friends. They are the ones that will be in my wedding, the ones that I will be able to call when i'm bored just to grab a coffee, or go on a run, or come to my house when i'm upset no matter what time of day it is or how far away they are. It is those friends that I miss, and studying in Oxford has really shown quite a few people's true colors to me. I'm not saying that these people are not bad people, they are just different than who I thought they were. Everyone does not have to be friends with everyone all the time, you are going to have those people in your life that you just don't "click" with, and that's alright because it's part of life. That's what the best friends are for. Thats what the friends that you haven't seen in weeks, months, or even years, and when you are reunited absolutely nothing has changed. It's funny that being abroad has taught me all of this when you would have expected to be busy all of the time and to not have to worry about what is going on back home. But as strange as it may sound, studying abroad can get lonely, and when people get lonely (especially myself) we think about the past, and we think about what we miss and even sometimes wish we could go back in time just to relive that memory, in that moment, with that person(s).

Yet looking to the past is no way to live. You can remember it, be happy that it happened, learn from it, and move on. Even when one is lonely, in the end you are the only person that has complete control over your own emotions and can change your mood in a blink of an eye. A great quote by C.S Lewis gets me by whenever I am having any thoughts that make me look to the past and wish I could relive it:

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."