Bittersweet

Throughout this entire trip, there have been quite a few times that I think about what exactly I miss from back home. Obviously I miss my entire family and friends, but it's the little things that I have been thinking about recently. Such as, being able to hop in my car and just drive wherever I want, whenever I want, being able to have service all the time, rather than just when I manage to get some wifi, buying chex mix from the gas stations for long road trips. There are just certain American ways that I just long for sometimes at the most random points of the day. I cannot wait to get back home and go straight to Panera, Dunkin' Donuts, Bagel World, and Not your Average Joe's. As funny as this is going to sound, the thing that I miss the most about being in the states is being able to work. Not just because I miss making money, which I do, but because it kept me busy, it made me feel important, and it made me feel like I had some sort of contribution to the world and our economy. 

Back in the states, I have two jobs. One is a waitress at the Seaport Grille in Gloucester, MA, and the other is a hostess, soon to be a waitress, at Harpers Restaurant in the Friendly Center in Greensboro, NC. I have made the best relationships with my co-workers at both places, and it has taught me so much about people, human relations (which is actually my minor), and having a positive attitude. Working has made me feel so good about myself and has provided me with an escape when High Point gets a little too much, or my family and friends that I don't work with gets a little too much. It gives me a chance to build relationships with people that may have an effect on what I end up doing once I graduate college. It even allows me to create a whole different life for myself separate from one that I have with my family, at school, and even from my friends from home. 

There are definitely quite a few things that I am going to miss about Oxford and the rest of England in general. Including the fact that I get to walk everywhere, the history of the city, the people, and of course, the people's accents in England. The food I'll most likely get over pretty fast, but it's definitely going to be a bit of a culture shock going back and not being able to drink for about 3 months since I won't be 21 until March. 

I feel as though I have some sort of unfinished business here in England. Like I didn't have enough time to do everything that I wanted to do. I mean yeah of course I traveled a lot, met a lot of great people, and had an absolutely fantastic time, but I could totally see myself moving back here after graduation. Of course it may take about a year to adjust completely, but all of those things that I mentioned earlier about missing in the states will just be that much better whenever I go back. Another great aspect of moving to England is that the economy is SO much better here than it is in the states, and if I were to get a job here, then I would be much more well off than if I settled for one in America. 

Of course, I would have to talk to my mom about moving here with me because I don't think her and I could ever be apart for more than 6 months at a time. She is the one person in my life that I completely 120% trust and has been there for me no matter what. She's my best friend and I don't know if I could move away from my best friend for that long. I have so much time to think about the future and what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I am just such a planner. Always have been, always will be. I am all about the list making, the goal making, the crossing off when you get something done, the setting of expectations, the constant pursuing of my dreams. It is both a blessing and a curse as my mom has told me since the day I could talk, but it's who I am. 

I feel as though a lot of my blogs recently are about what is going on in my head and how I am changing the way that I think about a lot of things and how I have grown so much over these past few months. Not only in a sense of thinking about my future, but in the sense that I am growing up so much. I don't want to go out and get "wasted" every single night, I want to embrace my time here and do as much as I can because who knows if I'll ever be here again. I want to go to a church service and see how it's different here compared to in the states, I want to buy everyone else gifts, rather than myself, so that they can share in this study abroad experience with me without actually being here. I want to figure out what really makes me happy and hold onto it so that whenever i'm feeling down i'll look back at my experiences and wonder why I am sweating the small stuff. 

It's so true what people say that time changes everything. I would never have guessed a year ago that I would be sitting at this desk typing up a blog about my experience of studying in Europe! I mean I had an idea that I wanted to go abroad but I had no idea where and when I would have the chance to do it. I feel as though I'm going to go back to High Point a very changed person because not only was I known to be a party girl that always liked to have a good time, but I was always up for a drink as well. That's not the case anymore, although I do love to have a few drinks, I do not find a point in getting absolutely smashed like your typical college student. This may have to do with the fact I feel as though I am growing up faster than my peers around me because of certain events that have happened throughout my life, but it's definitely nothing that I'm ashamed of or unhappy about.

I am absolutely infatuated with being abroad, and the whole culture of England in general. It is very bittersweet leaving to return hope to the states, but hey, who knows what the future will bring? Maybe I will end up becoming a UK citizen?